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The Manhattan Project

by Depressant

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1.
without you.
2.
Little Boy 03:51
Heavy breathing down the Throgs Neck, knowing I am next. Torture my soul, let painful distance grow, chokehold my self-respect. I'm jumping through halos in hopes I'll win the title as your guardian angel. I’ll walk this tightrope just to show we’re held together by more than nuts and bolts and rusty cables. But this experiment went all wrong. By bombarding you with tantrums and forcing blueprints down your throat, I thought I could control a Manhattan Project all of my own. What I didn’t know was that our love would soon explode. Your godforsaken face has since been radiating through my veins. Burning through my skin like acid rain. Caught in a mushroom cloud and I’m not coming down until I hear the whole truth come out of your mouth. Not even I knew the magnitude of what you said before you left: “I promise I won’t forget.” Because then you neglected me for days on end. I was screaming your name and you pulled back your hand. My eyes fixate on that divine night we slept side by side for the last time. I guess this is goodbye.
3.
The Dubliner 03:31
Fly this coffin to Dublin. Forget just who I am. Reduced to a fraction of a person. Trapped within insignificance. Buried with my sense of purpose. You’re my best friend, but without Eveline, I’ll suffer and die by omission. Close this casket. Hide my face. Sail back home with my remains. “The end of pleasure is pain.” Locked inside a box with no air holes to breathe. Instead my lungs fill up with inadequacy. There is nothing left here for me. I’ll be remembered strictly as the boy who lost everything. "He was shouted at to go on but he still called to her. She set her white face to him, passive, like a helpless animal. Her eyes gave him no sign of love or farewell or recognition."
4.
628 Jasper 03:30
Accept all my prayers and keep close to my side. Absolve me of your love and erase every trace of you I’d recognize. Await both our fates and hope our stars align. All of my wishes I wish to resign because, sunshine, you were never really mine. Now there’s nothing of you left to find. The sour, bitter taste that was controlling my mind no longer lingers inside. Every memory I tried to hide resembles something sweet like tangerines or clementines. And I swear you stood there like a pillar of despair. We patched up your cracks, but you never held your share. It never seemed to me this is where you wanted to be. Now I can’t envision the beautiful beams, just how they looked while crumbling. I won’t make believe that I can’t see you care for him more than you care for me. So I’ll leave you at door of 628 Jasper. “Blessed are the forgetful” because they don’t have to recall the trauma of it all. Feelings blossoms, pedals fall in a game of evens and odds. Just when I think she loves me, she loves me not.
5.
Annabel 03:27
There was only you and me- two children, together, in a kingdom by the sea. What more did we need, short of heaven’s envy? Cherrypicked my brain and found a reason to leave. We always said we’d have a daughter and name her Annabel, but that went to hell when I lost hold of myself. Just know, I loved with a love that was more than a love…you and the little girl who never was. Fed up with breaking down- I tried to get better, but you weren’t around. Burnt out the fire in my heart being your spark and then you left me with this sickness, all alone in the dark. If I had my way, the only sunny days would bring you sunburn and heartbreak. While I was throwing fits in my closet every night we spent apart, you were making new friends out in your courtyard. But I won’t pretend like I don’t still care. I’m not a coward like you, behind smoke and mirrors. Your claddagh ring is clattering throughout the tunnels of my ears. You are all the music I hear. A few parting words of regret and resentment. Left me for a man with a clear head and direction. So I hate you both, but it’s no fault of his own. You denied me three times before the cock crowed. Yeah, I bet he’s great and I hope he is. I hope everything you hope to find, you find in him.
6.
This Sunday sighs nostalgic lies of better days gone by. These thoughts of suicide get me through the night. They were gilded days, paved with fool’s gold as Spackle over holes that only hold to the naked eye. Seeing life through a lens that is marred by early morning light, but it’s funny how well it brings this past year to life. I’m trying to piece together scattered fragments of good times and heartache, and it’s making my heart ache. I guess it was selfish of me to think that things would stay the way they were and you’d stay here with me. I knew you’d move on to bigger and better things. So I guess the best that I can do is wish you well and hope that you’re missing me too. I’d love to see you someday soon. I should probably just quit while I’m ahead and crawl back into bed while there’re still a few promising thoughts left in my head. Oh, what a mess. I’m feeling faint from all of this. A body slumped in my hands forms the shape of my best friend.

about

The Manhattan Project was secretly developed by Depressant from November 2012 to November 2014, between both New York, USA and Dublin, Ireland.

credits

released June 16, 2015

Personnel:
Matt B. - Guitar, Vocals
Mike F. - Bass, Vocals, Guitar
James W.- Guitar
Sal C. - Drums

Recorded, Engineered, and Mixed by Matt Lagattuta in East Meadow, NY during Winter 2014-2015.
Mastered by Will Yip out of Studio 4 in Conshohocken, PA during Spring 2015.
Produced by Depressant and Matt Lagattuta.

Album artwork and photography by Johnny Milano.
Album layout and design by Matt Durkin.
Lyrics to tracks 1-5 written by Matthew Brucato.
Lyrics to track 6 written by Michael Fursa.
All music written and performed by Depressant.

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Depressant

Long Island Emo.

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